Neighbourly Advice from TalkingCock Singapore!

by Pak Cham Kai

Despite the International Court of Justice ruling that Pedra Branca now belongs to Singapore, the Sultan of Johor has told the Johor State Assembly, “It doesn't matter how long it takes, but I will find ways until the island is returned to Johor.”

But how? We speculate:

1. Challenge Singapore to a winner-take-all match of Lom Chiam Pas.

2. Late at night, when no one is watching, secretly swim out and kapo it.

3. Threaten to blockade all overland deliveries of durians from Segamat until they give Pedra Branca back.

4. Quickly point at Indonesia, shout, “Look! What’s that?” and then quickly swipe the island away.

5. Wait until the next Great Singapore Sale and buy it when it’s on discount.

6. Hire a squad of super-bomohs to magically whisk the island back.

7. Make a photocopy of Singapore’s face, and paste it at his void deck with the words “Owe Island, Pay Island”. If that doesn’t work, hang a pig’s head outside his flat.

8. Hire a bunch of Nigerians to email Singapore with some scam, and bluff them into giving us their island.

9. Hire a group of China girls to “act cute” with them, and bluff them into giving us their island.

10. Quickly take the island, and then escape with it through a toilet window – those sotong Singaporeans sure cannot catch me one!



Note:

The above unsolicited advice is used without permission!